Finding Happiness: It's About Elimination, Not Acquisition
The pursuit of happiness often leads people down a path of chasing external validation: a bigger paycheck, a grander home, a more luxurious vehicle. But according to happiness expert Mo Gawdat, the secret to contentment lies not in acquiring more, but in eliminating the sources of unhappiness.
Gawdat, a former chief business officer at Google, argues that happiness is our natural state. The key, therefore, is to identify and remove the obstacles that prevent us from experiencing it. "If you understand that your default setting is 'happy,' then there is nothing you need to bring from outside you to find happiness," he explains. "You need to remove things that make you unhappy to be happy."
The Illusion of Material Success
Gawdat's perspective is rooted in personal experience. He achieved immense financial success at a young age, accumulating the trappings of a desirable life: a high-powered career, a lavish home, a family, and expensive cars. Yet, despite these achievements, he found himself grappling with feelings of depression. This experience highlighted the fallacy that external achievements automatically equate to inner peace. "The more you succeed and realize that this is not what you want, the more depressed you become," he stated.
A pivotal moment in Gawdat's life came with the tragic loss of his son, Ali. Inspired by Ali's positive outlook, Gawdat embarked on a journey to understand and articulate the principles of happiness, culminating in his book, "Solve for Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy." He has since authored several more books, including "Unstressable: A Practical Guide for Stress-Free Living."
Eliminating Sources of Unhappiness
So, what does it mean to "remove things that make you unhappy"? Gawdat suggests it can involve several aspects of life, including:
- Relationships: Ending friendships or romantic partnerships that are detrimental to your well-being.
- Career: Leaving a job that is emotionally draining or unfulfilling.
- Expectations: Releasing internal expectations that are unrealistic or misaligned with reality.
The Perils of Unrealistic Expectations
Gawdat emphasizes the importance of aligning expectations with reality. For example, he cautions against purchasing a vintage car unless the act of maintaining and repairing it brings genuine joy. Similarly, relying on external circumstances to dictate your mood is a recipe for disappointment. Being easily upset by uncontrollable events, such as inclement weather or traffic delays, can significantly impact your overall happiness.
Cultivating realistic expectations requires conscious effort and self-awareness. As Gawdat explains, "If you want rain, rain makes you happy. If you don't want rain, rain makes you unhappy. It's not what life gives you. It's what life gives you in comparison of what you want life to give you."
The Role of Purpose
The concept of aligning expectations with reality extends to our sense of purpose. Experts suggest that misaligned expectations can contribute to stress and a lack of fulfillment, particularly in areas like finances, relationships, and careers.
Dr. Jordan Grumet, a hospice medical director and author, distinguishes between "big P" Purpose and "little P" purpose. "Big P" Purpose is focused on outcomes and destinations, while "little P" purpose centers on the path and process. "We can't always choose the outcome, but we can choose what activities to fill our lives with," Grumet explains.
Unlike ambitious goals that may take years to achieve, "little P" purposes are ongoing projects that provide enjoyment regardless of the results. This approach allows for a more sustainable and fulfilling sense of purpose, as it is not contingent on achieving specific outcomes. It's a win-win situation.
Shifting Focus
Ultimately, the pursuit of happiness is not about accumulating possessions or achieving milestones. It's about cultivating an internal state of contentment by identifying and eliminating the sources of unhappiness in our lives. By aligning our expectations with reality, focusing on the process rather than the outcome, and making conscious choices to remove negativity, we can create a life that is more fulfilling and joyful.
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